awhile, but whenever my wife was away I was right back into it again. Finally, one Halloween about 3 years after we were married and had moved back to the same town where we had been active in the church, things just got too much. I had decided to go to the party with a "half man half woman" costume. By turning one pants leg and one shirt and coat sleeve into the other a half suit could be made. This meant putting on the dress first and then the coat and pants on one side and pinning the outfit together. Of course, it required a dress rehearsal the night before the party. When I had finished proving that the costume would work, I just stayed in the dress and heels and came out and lay down on the sofa to read. My wife nagged me about 6 times to "get up and take those clothes off". I hadn't had an oppor- tunity for a long time and I wasn't about to get out of them. However her nagging finally got to me and I sat up and said, "I'm not going to take them off, I enjoy wearing them." Her look was incredulous and I told her I wouldn't bother to explain things that night but I would after the party, and I did--giving her the whole bit.

This resulted in my being permitted to wear things around the house every couple of weeks. On these occasions she would go to bed. Being left alone was almost worse than being denied the opportunity because it made one feel despicable and unfit for company. However, this went on for several years..

One day I had the shock of my life and a turning point was reached I had gone to another city about 400 miles away. There I paid a visit to an older TV whom I had known, and met his understanding girl- friend. The TV had to go to a meeting this night and suggested that Muriel (the name I used in those days) and his girlfriend should go window shopping downtown, which we did. We talked and talked girl talk, went into one of the hotels and had a drink, rebuffed a couple of friendly marines and eventually went home. When I got back to the hotel and began to undress I also began to cry. I went to bed and cried. Cried like my heart would break and did so in fits and starts all night. The odd thing about it was that I didn't really know what I was crying about.

I completed my work in this city and took the train home. Both the work and the ride home were difficult because every time I would have a moment to myself, without either talking to someone or read- ing, my eyes would fill with tears. I have never been so completely miserable in my life before or since. It took me about 4 days to get over the jag and all the time I was thinking and analyzing my feelings to see what brought this depression on. Finally, after several days, it came to me. For the first time in my life (I was about 33 then),

6.